PhotographsII
by moregoth
Summary: Continuation to Photographs, Jenny intends to find out why Gibbs quit. Missing scene Hiatus


A/N: Continuation to Photographs, this is the piece I originally started to write. I post it separately because I decided I wanted to continue the story line with Gibbs and Ziva eventually.

* * *

I stand before his front door. I close my eyes as I try to compose myself; I feel the wind in my hair as the images and emotions from the last days flicker behind my eyelids.

The panic I felt as I rushed out from the dinner at the White House barley able to mumble out an excuse. Jetro in a hospital bed full of bruises and in a coma he didn't want to wake up from, and finding out the reasons why. The shock at the revelation that he once had a daughter, with a wife nobody knew about. How sorry I felt when I also learnt that they were killed in a car crash when the NIS agent protecting them was shot while driving their car.

Him waking up with no memory of the past fifteen years, still believing it was 1991 and he had been blown up during desert storm, telling he wanted Kelly and Shannon. The realisation that they were gone and the pain he displayed as he whispered I miss them so much.

Calling his old boss Mike Franks in an attempt to help him regain his memory. I still get angry as think of that phone call.

When he returned to headquarters, he almost looked like before the explosion, the mask that hides his feelings was back along with most of his memory. I really wonder what Ziva said or did that made him remember.

Him yelling angry as those higher up in the food chain decided that an accident at sea was far better than the chance of a terror attack. Watching as the Cape fear turned into a mushroom cloud.

Him sitting in my office handing in his resignation.

Looking down from above as he said goodbye to his team. They all looked stunned and Abby had tears in her eyes. Like me they couldn't believe he was quitting. He asked Ducky for a ride home and stated Semper fi before entering the elevator.

I open my eyes and take a deep breath before I reach out to firmly knock on his door. Determent not leave before I have found out if my suspicion is right. Because when I earlier today returned to my office after he left and sat down behind my desk and poured up a glass of bourbon I came to the realisation that there was something he wasn't telling there was more behind his decision to hand in his resignation or at least I strongly suspect so. That is why I'm here.

The knock echoes through the house but I don't hear any footsteps approaching the door. I knock once more and I patiently wait for a while. But he doesn't open, either he doesn't hear me or perhaps he doesn't want to open. I ignore the little voice in my head that says that he has already left. I reach for the doorknob and hope that he hasn't started to lock his front door.

He hasn't, the door opens and I step into his house. I guess that he is down in the basement with his boat and not for the first time I wonder if he actually sleeps under it as DiNozzo joked about. I let the smell of sawdust guide me to the right door. It has been almost a year since I was here the last time. As I walk toward the door I notice that the house feels different now. It almost feels like he doesn't live here anymore or at least haven't for some time.

I slowly opens the basement door and look into his dungeon, there he is. A sound of relief almost escapes my lips. He sits on the floor curled up against his boat; he seems lost to the world. He doesn't look up, not once as I descend down the narrow staircase even as it creaks loud. His basement look exactly like last time sawdust and woodworking tools all over the place the only thing that has changed is the boat; even the picture of Ari Haswari is still present with the two gunshots in the forehead.

I walk over to him and sit down beside him. I briefly touch his shoulder to gain his attention and ask, "Are you alright, Jethro?" As soon as I hear the question spoken out loud I realize it was a stupid one, of course he isn't all right. And I really deserve his answer "What do you think, Jenny?"

So I decide to ask the question I came her to ask, "Why did you quit?" He answers immediately "Retired!" And I silently curse myself for the slip of my tongue, before I ask again "Why did you retire?" "You know why, those above us in command makes decisions I can't agree with. Decisions that ends with innocent people dieing" I take a deep breath and look into his eyes before I say "I want the hole truth, Jethro!" I see something flash in his eyes, something I can't identify before his look turn into an angry glare and he says, "That is the truth!"

I consider what he told me, it might indeed be the truth there was no hesitation in the answer. Then it hits me he said decisions as in many this aren't the first time. It's more to it than those people dieing on Cape Fear. Someone else has died because of decisions he couldn't control. I'm almost afraid to voice my suspicion "Who else has died?" I ask softly, for a brief moment I see pain in his eyes before they turn completely emotionless.

We both retreat to silence, and I turn my gaze from his eyes not able to meet his stare I look down instead. For the first time I notice that he holds something in his hands, it's a rather thick crumbled brown envelope and he holds it so tight that his knuckles has turned white.

We sit there in silence, he has obviously no intention on answering my question, and I know it won't help to try to push him into answer he is to damn stubborn for that to work. But I'm stubborn to and I will wait and perhaps he will feel the need to fill the silence. I know it's not likely he will most certainly figure out what I'm trying to do after all he learned me all I know about interrogation techniques.

I wait, he seams lost in thoughts and I watch how the sun wanders over the sky slowly ending the day and the twilight set in, many hours passing by.

Then all of a sudden I hear him mutter something that sounds like "Perhaps you should know". I quickly look at him, he almost looks insecure and he looks down on the envelope before he holds it out for me to take.

I grab the offered envelope, with questions in my eyes. Why is he giving it to me and what am I supposed to do with it? He gestures me to look inside. I carefully opens it, inside are photos a lot of them. I look at the first one on the top, he has his arms tightly wrapped around a brown haired woman and his face is holds an expression of happiness and utter relief, hers I can't see. I glance over at him but he has closed his eyes.

I curiously go on to the next picture caught by Jethro's expression on the previous one and I wonder who the woman is that can make him look like that. I can feel the jealousy rising and burning. I swallow hard and try to get my emotions under control and the shock and surprise I get as I see the next picture sure helps. Because now I can recognise the woman even thou I have never met her. She died just hours before I became director of NCIS but I saw her photograph at her funeral.

The woman at the photo is Caitlin Todd and she is very much kissing one Leroy Jetro Gibbs, he lost more than a team member that day he lost a lover and my jealousy turns in to sadness. as I whisper "I am so sorry Jethro"

He just nods in response, I try to think of something more to say but can't find anything appropriate. Instead I decide to look trough the rest of the picture stack.

They all feature the two of them, most of them view all the things people in love with each other do together like taking a promenade in the park or having dinner in candle light, some show them on crime scenes standing just a little to close.

I'm starting to have a uneasy sensation about the photographs they are almost all taken at public locations and the few who aren't are taken trough glass. Was someone spying on them? But why and how come does Jethro have the spy's pictures?

I can't do anything else than stare at the last couple of pictures. The emotions displayed at them speak of deep love and affection. They were more than lovers they were deeply and truly in love with each other.

Now I know and understand why Jetro willingly would pursue Ari Haswari to hell and back for revenge. Why he wouldn't let anything or anyone stand in his way.

He begins to try and say something but his voice cracks, he stops and takes a deep breath I can see that he fights and barely manage to keep his emotions under control. When he speaks again his voice is steady and has a sharp edge. "Satisfied? Now you know why I'm leaving. I could have saved her if I had been allowed to do my job, just as I could have saved those onboard Cape Fear"

I know he isn't really angry with me; just the world for taking away his loved ones. Non-the less I really doesn't dare to say anything to him. I can see from his composure that he really wants and needs to be alone.

His voice has lost its anger and it just sounds tired and I doubt he even remembers that I'm still there.

"I just can't stay here with all the memories when it feels like the three of them just died. I found happiness once more when I thought it was a lost cause. I tried so many times after Shannon. For the first time since they died I truly looked forward to coming home. I allowed myself to imagine the future, I dared to dream about once more feel the joy of having children and a family."

I feel heartbroken for him to love and lose like that twice but also for myself for I have never experienced that kind of love.

I can just hope that he will survive and that he will be able to find some kind of peace with the past where ever he is going. I silently promise to myself that wont send away his papers for resignation until he has used all his sick leave and all vacation he has collected over the years. That will at least give him a couple of months of absence and perhaps then he will be able to return.

I give his shoulder a gentle squeeze and say "You know were to find me if you need a friend" before I leave him to fight his demons and pain.


End file.
